“Time Doesn’t Heal Me” – A Truth About Lingering Wounds

Rant Of The Day Blog Article July 15th 2025

By Jenn D. Real

They say time heals all wounds.

But I’ve always wondered—who exactly are “they,” and have they ever truly been wounded? Because in my experience, time doesn’t heal anything. It just teaches you how to carry it quieter.

When someone hurts me, the wound stays raw until there’s resolution. Closure, conversation, accountability—something. Without it, the pain doesn’t fade, it festers. I don’t “move on,” I simply become skilled at stepping around the ache so it doesn’t bleed onto someone new.

Over time, I’ve learned to manage the triggers, especially when kind people who’ve done me no wrong get too close to those still-sore places. I can redirect. Breathe through it. Keep my cool. But let’s be honest—coping is not healing. It’s a workaround. It’s the emotional equivalent of limping instead of screaming with every step. And when the wounds keep piling up from the same person? I don’t explode. I don’t rage. I calcify.I go bitter. Not angry—numb.

It’s like something inside me flips, and I no longer have any emotional bandwidth for them at all. Love, loyalty, even irritation—they all shut down. At that point, there is no “working it out.” That door is locked. And I’m the one who swallowed the key just to make sure I never reach for it again.

But here’s the thing that stings more than the wounds themselves: most people won’t try to resolve things. They’d rather cut you off than confront their own mistakes. They ghost. They deflect. They rewrite the story to make themselves the victim of your pain. Anything but say, “I hurt you. I’m sorry.”

So is it just me? Am I wired wrong for needing closure?

Actually—no.

The Psychology of Unresolved Pain

Psychologists call it “ambiguous loss”—pain that lingers without resolution. It often creates complicated grief, emotional paralysis, and persistent anxiety. For people like me—neurodivergent, deeply introspective, and trauma-aware—our minds don’t file things under “forgotten.” They file them under “unresolved business.”

There’s even research backing this up. Studies on emotional injury show that healing is tied far more to repair and acknowledgment than to time alone.

A 2019 meta-study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who received a genuine apology had significantly lower levels of resentment and intrusive thoughts than those who didn’t. In contrast, people who were ghosted or dismissed reported higher levels of internal distress—even years later.

Time doesn’t do the work. People do.

And when they don’t? The pain stays.

Final Thought: I Carry It, But I Don’t Let It Lead

I don’t think I’m broken for needing healing that doesn’t come on a clock.

I think I’m aware

.

I think I’m strong enough to know when something still hurts,

and self-aware enough not to project it onto others.

So if you’re like me, walking around with quiet wounds no one else seems to remember—

I see you.

You’re not too much.

You’re not weak.

You just know that pretending it didn’t hurt never works. And that sometimes, the bravest thing is simply to carry your scars with grace—without letting them stop you from living.